hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
