Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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