guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
