Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
