those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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