Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize