What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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