I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize