We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
