That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
