what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
