TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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