I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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