btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
