Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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