you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
