i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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