you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize