I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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