i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
