In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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