So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
