Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
