Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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