I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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