friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
