So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
