the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Even my vagina gasped.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
