sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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