You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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