Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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