I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
