can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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