Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
