hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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