your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
