Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tell her she can't have a vagina
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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