where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
