got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
