the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
