the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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