She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
