Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
