He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
