He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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