you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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