I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
this just has baby written all over it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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