So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
