before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
