Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize