What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
