Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
