My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so let's talk penis.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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