I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
