It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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