Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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