I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
