I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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