Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
