yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Houston, we have a blender
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
