I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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